Concerns over changes in family circumstances, such as the economy and finances, can cause stress. Children can be affected directly by changes in their family’s financial circumstances or stress they see in their parents, or more indirectly by general anxiety over problems they hear and read about in the news. Children look first and foremost to their parents and other significant adults to gauge the seriousness of their concerns. The following guidance can help adults help children cope with anxiety or stress.

 

Everyone is affected by stress and reacts to it in different ways. Stress is a way that our body responds to the demands made upon us by the environment, our relationships, and our perceptions and interpretations of those demands. We all experience both "good stress" and "bad stress." Good stress is that optimal amount of stress that results in our feeling energized and motivated to do our best work. Good stress encourages us to develop effective coping strategies to deal with our challenges, which ultimately contributes to our resilience. Bad stress occurs when our coping mechanisms are overwhelmed by the stress and we do not function at our best. The same event can affect children and adults in very individual ways—one person may see a carnival ride as thrilling and another may see it as a major stressor. Stress can become distress when we are unable to cope or when we believe that we do not have the ability to meet the challenge. The solution is to adapt, change, and find methods to turn that bad stress into good stress. 

• At School. Stress can come from an unstructured classroom, unclear or unreasonable expectations, or fear of failure. 

• At Home. Stress can occur through a lack of family routines, over-scheduling, prolonged or serious illness, poor nutrition, change in the family situation, financial problems, family strife or abuse, or unclear or unreasonable expectations. 

• Peer-related. Stress can be a result of changing school buildings, having to deal with a bully, fitting in with the crowd, or moving to a new community. 

 

Stress tends to be additive in nature and with children can result in inappropriate behaviors, academic difficulties, or health problems. Parents can usually look back over recent events and see the causes of the behavior through the building of stressful situations.

 

• Irritability or unusual emotionality or volatility. 

• Sleep difficulty or nightmares. 

• Inability to concentrate. 

• Drop in grades or other functioning. 

• Toileting or eating concerns. 

• Headaches or stomachaches. 

• Unexplained fears or increased anxiety (that also can take the form of clinging). 

• Regression to earlier developmental levels. 

• Isolation from family activities or peer relationships. 

• Drug or alcohol experimentation. 

 

• Positive problem solving and coping skills. 

• Close, supportive relationships at home and school, with peers and adults. 

• Clear expectations. 

• Permission and ability to learn from mistakes. 

• Developing competencies (academic, social, extracurricular, and life skills).  

• Consistent, positive discipline. 

• Ability to express feelings appropriately. 

• Feeling physically and emotionally safe. 

• Good nutrition and exercise. 

• Time to relax or do recreational activities. 

 

• Be aware of your child’s behaviors and emotions. 

• Build trust with your child. 

• Be available and open to talk with your child when they are ready. If family       circumstances are contributing to the stress, be willing to answer questions honestly and calmly. 

• Encourage the expression of feelings. 

• Teach and model good emotional responses. 

• Encourage them to tell you if they feel overwhelmed. 

• Encourage healthy and diverse friendships. 

• Encourage physical activity, good nutrition, and rest. 

• Teach your child to problem solve. 

• Keep your child aware of anticipated family changes, in an age appropriate way. Acknowledge that change can feel uncomfortable but reassure him or her that the family will be okay.

• Do not hide the truth from your child. Children sense parents’ worry and the unknown can be scarier than the truth. However, avoid unnecessary discussions in front of your child of events or circumstances that might increase his or her stress, particularly young children. 

• Help your child feel a part of decision-making when appropriate. 

• Remind your child of his or her ability to get through tough times, particularly with the love and support of family and friends.

• Monitor television programs that could worry your child and pay attention to the use of computer games, movies, and the Internet. 

• Use encouragement and natural consequences when poor decisions are made. 

• Help your child select appropriate extracurricular activities and limit over-scheduling. 

• Make your child aware of the harmful effects of drugs and alcohol before experimentation begins. 

• Monitor your own stress level. Take care of yourself. 

• Contact your child’s teacher with any concerns and make them part of the team available to assist your child. 

• Seek the assistance of a physician, school psychologist, school counselor, or school social worker if stress continues to be a concern. 

 

“Why should I come to school every day? I mean, what’s the point? Can’t I get some days off here and there? Adults get vacation - why can’t we?”

 

Those are some good questions. At the high school level, you are treated more like adults than you ever were in your earlier school year. So instead of treating you like you were younger by saying, “You have to come to school because we are your teachers/parents and we said so,” this pamphlet really answers the questions so you know the ups and downs of attending school.

 

When some people ask the question, “Why attend school?” they are trying to find out “What’s in it for me?” Looking at it selfishly, there’s a lot riding on your regular school attendance. Forget about grades (OK, just for the moment), how does school attendance affect you in life? Well, for one thing, Maryland now requires proof of regular attendance in order for you to get a Learner’s Permit to drive if you are under age 16. Every student MUST bring a form signed by a school official (your Guidance Counselor does it for you here) to the MVA office or you will NOT get your learner’s permit.

 

What if you don’t care about driving? You like buying things? School attendance affects your future jobs. It sets up habits for the working world. Let’s say you are the manager of a department. Do you want to hire workers that show up to work every day and are on time? Or you’d rather do their job for them when they don’t show up? 

 

If that isn’t convincing, consider the logic of coming to school every day. When you miss stuff, it makes it harder to follow along and keep up. Who wants to make school harder than it already is? Some people say, “I can be absent and get the notes from my friend – no problem!” That’s not what a group of 200 college students said in a survey. Only 8 percent of these students said that borrowed notes were as useful as attending class. And those students in the 8% - their grade point averages were lower than the rest of the group. Your grades are likely to be better when you come every day. When your grades are better, your chances of getting a better paying job or getting into college increase. Does that make a difference? Consider these 2006 statistics:

College graduates earn an average of $56,788 per year.

High School graduates earn an average of $31,071

No high school degree? Your average salary is $20,812 (that is below the Federal poverty level for a family of 4).

 

The scary reasons you should attend school regularly? First, it is the law in Maryland for persons under the age of 16. Punishment for violations cannot “exceed $100 per day of unlawful absence or imprisonment for up to 30 days, or both.” Second, you do NOT want to have to mess with our attendance clerk!

 

Having trouble getting to school? There are lots of people here at River Hill who are here to help you. Talk to your guidance counselor, a teacher who you connect with, our school psychologist (Dr. Solomon), pupil personnel worker (Ms. Finch) our health office staff (Mrs. Maravi or Mrs. Goldberg) or any of our school administrators. Coming to school is your responsibility and we would be happy to help you meet that responsibility to help you be successful today and in your future.

In working with students, River Hill staff employs a focus on Developmental Assets. You may have heard of this through our weekly Advisory program or by the phrase “Making Learning Personal.” But Developmental Assets are definitely not just the responsibility of a school – everyone in a student’s life can play a critical role in developing assets.

What are the 40 Developmental Assets anyway? 

Simply put, nation-wide research (conducted by the Search Institute) has identified “40 positive experiences and qualities” associated with successful academic, social and/or emotional outcomes. The more assets a youth has, the more likely they are to exhibit leadership, be healthy, succeed in school, etc. Search Institute also found that the fewer assets a young person has, the more likely they are to be unsuccessful (measured by suspension and drop-out rates, incarceration, substance abuse, sexual activity, etc.). 

 

There are four asset categoriesin each of two areas – internal and external. External asset categories include: Support, Empowerment, Boundaries and
Expectations, and Constructive Use of Time. Internal asset categories include Commitment to Learning, Positive Values, Social Competencies, and Positive Identity. There are 20 External Assets and 20 Internal Assets. There is a complete list of the 40 Developmental Assets on the other side of this sheet.

 

Whose job is it to build assets? Everyone’s! Assets are built through the efforts of parents, school staff, the general community, and young people themselves. River Hill has begun its focus on asset building through guided activities in our weekly Advisory period. Working in small groups (to enhance relationships), staff members engage students in goal-directed activities targeting specific assets. This year, Advisory will focus on three internal assets (Integrity, Achievement Motivation, Planning & Decision Making), and one external asset (Adult Role Models).

 

 

For more information, a great starting place is:   http://search-institute.org/assets